no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
