This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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