whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
