K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize