I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
