thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
