I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
