I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
