How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize