an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
