Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
