Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
