How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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