is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
even my farts smell like vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
