Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
