just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
