Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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