Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
