i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so let's talk penis.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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