I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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