"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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