Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
