JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize