i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
