Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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