I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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