it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
