We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
