i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
