I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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