I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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