i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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