So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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