I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
