either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
