i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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