Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
