Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize