Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
