I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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