Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
