I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
