Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize