You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
