I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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