I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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