you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
