K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Quick, to the slutcave!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
