What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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