oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
