got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
