you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
