She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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