quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Randomize
