Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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