They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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