where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
