So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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