Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I could fuck to npr.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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