I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She told me I should be a condom model.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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