I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
