i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
