Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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