i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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