True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
