I hope mine doesn't look like that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
