i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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