Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm both gender and math confused
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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