bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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