it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
