marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wrigley field is MILF paradise
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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