Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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