i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
