I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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