I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
where are you?
Hypothermia
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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