I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize