I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Everything about him screamed your future.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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