Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
