Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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