we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
