You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
