pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
