I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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