sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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