im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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