Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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