You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
