Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
