Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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