The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
