he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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