Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
