we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
