I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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