Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
