no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
