So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
