Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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