you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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