glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize