After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize