I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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