well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
