Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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