tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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