Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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