She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
