I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
