guys are not supposed to queef...right?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
