I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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