is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
