we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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