My room smells like vodka and shame
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
