When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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