i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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