this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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