You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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