he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
