His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
