Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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