I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I need help removing her.
you would pick up someone in the library
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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